The Wolverine

Directed by James Mangold. Written by Mark Bomback, Scott Frank. Starring Hugh Jackman (Logan), Tao Okamoto (Mariko), Rila Fukushima (Yukio).

Bottomline: One phrase: giant samurai ninja robot.

2/4

I was sitting on a flight from San Francisco to Pittsburgh and one of the in-flight shows was Inside the Actors Studio with an interview with Hugh Jackman. He explained how he was excited about the opportunity to portray Logan, or Wolverine, in the then upcoming movie The Wolverine. It kinda made me want to see the movie even though I thought it would be bad. I was correct but what do-ya-expect from a comic book movie, right?

As a quick side note, I think it might be interesting to make a compilation of prequels that add or remove “The” to the franchise. The Wolverine and Fast and Furious are two that come to mind. The Smurfs is a reboot of Smurfs. Evil Dead is a remake of The Evil Dead.

Another side note, if you aren’t familiar with X-Men or Wolverine, he is a mutant who has the ability to quickly heal. At some point, some evil scientists replaced his skeleton with an indestructible metal so Logan (aka Wolverine) is essentially immortal. How exactly is a fight supposed to be suspenseful? In the one movie, for example, he survives a handgun shot to the forehead. Nevertheless, as my fiancée points out, we see in the trailer that “he isn’t healing like before”. They do take his immortality away from him for part of the film. This is more reasonable than a character like Superman; the only way to hurt him physically is to get a piece of his planet from across the galaxy. It may just come down to my fear that if I was in the X-Men world, I would either be a non-mutant or have a lame power. Similarly, I would totally be a Muggle if I lived in a Harry Potter world. Anyway, back to the movie.

It seems like any Wolverine introduction has Logan wandering in the woods, being all mopey and mysterious until invariably he gets into a bar fight and flees after nearly killing everyone. The Wolverine is no different except that, this time a martial arts expert, red haired Japanese punk named Yukio (Fukushima) rescues him. She explains that a man named Yashida (Yamanouchi) is dying and wants to say goodbye. Through a series of redundant flashbacks, we learn how Logan and the man met.  Long story short, Logan saved him from the atomic blast in Nagasaki. Yashida went on to found a massive electronics company of the same name. Now, Yashida wants Logan’s healing abilities and P.S. the Yakuza is trying to kill Yashida’s granddaughter, Mariko (Okamoto). Logan fights waves of Yakuza (and then ninjas) who are trying to kidnap Mariko, who is arranged to be married but falls in love with Logan (surprise surprise) even though she was in love with the leader of the ninja clan (the same ninja clan trying to kidnap her). Whew, let me catch my breath. The Wolverine made me realize something about film. A great movie shows you, a bad movie tells you and a really bad movie tells you again; The Wolverine has so much dialog about things I do not care about.

The action in this movie is expectable for a PG-13 movie. Did you know that a PG-13 movie can say the f-word once? Movies like The Wolverine will position that one usage for maximum ‘awesomeness’ too and it is something of a game of mine to anticipate when it will come up. I won’t spoil the fun for you (if you wind up seeing this movie). It bothers me that PG-13 movies can say the f dash dash dash word once and still be considered PG-13. Do we want to reserve certain words to only be used in certain tough guy situations? If that line where Wolverine says “F you” is made out to be special and cool, it just gives profanity a cult appeal (in the minds of the young male target audience). Now that we are on the subject of offensive material, let’s talk about women.

Logan, from what I recall, was in love with another mutant Jean Grey (Janssen). At the end of X-Men 2, Grey turned into something of a bomb. Logan has to kill her to save everyone else. In his guilt, he dreams of the situation that the two were sleeping together and he was having a nightmare. In his sleep, he extended his claws and accidentally stabbed her. She died and he feels bad. I’d like to know that we know her less as Jean Grey and more as breasts. Whenever she appears on-screen, the frame is divided half to her head and half to her cleavage. In any case, he dreams about her because he loves her and she loves him. But, of course, it doesn’t stop him from sleeping with the docile Mariko. Jean Grey is now the perfect woman: she loves Logan and will wait for him, alone, for eternity. Meanwhile, because he is still alive, Logan can go adventuring and sleeping around until he decides he wants to settle down. With regard to Mariko, the movie ends with her asking, “Can I ever expect you to come and visit” to which Logan grunts, says, “I am a soldier,” turns and gets on his plane. Here we have another woman loving Logan who must now wait for him. Will she ever move on and find another significant other? Doubtful.

Now we do have the punky-alternative Japanese woman, Yukio, accompanying him on the plane. She says, “I am your bodyguard.” Throughout the movie Yukio has been staring at him wantonly (and this scene is no different) but she will never have him because Logan doesn’t want her. The only reason she is on the plane is that she wants him but can’t have him. If she did have him, then she would have to wait somewhere.

The icing on the cake is the female villain mutant: Viper. She explains to Logan that she is immune to all poisons and venoms...including that of men. “Die mutant, bitch!” Logan replies. This is the only female mutant villain, mind you, and what makes her totally evil is that she cannot be seduced by men. She deserves to hang for that. She gets even worse as she sheds her skin (and her blonde hair) making her this androgynous beast and not the attractive androgynous kind but that asexual kind.

Logan’s relationship with women is more about the thrill of the hunt, Jean and Mariko are set aside because, having been granted Logan’s essence, they are no longer objects of attraction. It’s the thrill of the hunt, if you will.

Ok, ok, ok. I know what you might be saying, what do you expect from a movie like this? It is a comic book action movie. How many X-men movies featuring Wolverine have there been anyway? The action in this movie is good and comic-booky featuring a fight seen on top of a bullet train.

The cinematography wasn’t my favorite; the camera was ‘in the action’ so it was really shaky. Shaky camera has its time and place but with a superhero movie, it feels like they are just trying to hide poor fights scenes instead of make a realistic, gritty vibe. Batman Begins made me feel this way too.

Overall, The Wolverine isn’t any earth shattering experience but a regular comic book movie: action and sexism. I didn’t really expect much and didn’t really get much. While I wasn’t disappointed per se, I wouldn’t recommend The Wolverine unless you are a solid fan in which case you’ve probably watched it.

Despicable Me 2

Directed by Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud. Written by Ken Daurio (screenplay), Cinco Paul (screenplay).Starring Steve Carell (Gru), Kristen Wiig (Lucy), Benjamin Bratt (Eduardo/ El Macho).

Bottom line: Pretty lame movie. I didn't really want to see it and I wish I hadn’t.

1.5/4

Steve Carell as the criminal mastermind, Gru, returns in Despicable Me 2. He retires from the exciting life of super villainy to raise his three daughters in peace. A secret formula for a chemical that transforms ordinary animals or people into murderous purple monsters has been stolen and Gru, who has been recruited by an international organization that captures super villains, is on a mission to recover the formula and save the world.

I like Carell as Gru as far as it goes. I believe that he is genuinely trying to make children laugh. I didn’t like many of the jokes but I do support the noble intent. Just like the first one, I thought the three girls were adorable. There is a scene in the beginning during Agnes’s (the youngest daughter played by Elsie Fisher) birthday party. Gru tried to order a fairy princess actor to make an appearance but when the actor cancels, what is he to do? He dresses up in the costume and throws fairy dust everywhere. Agnes jumps with joy before turning the other attendee’s attention to cake. Before leaving, she leans over and says, “Pssst, I know it’s you, Gru. I just acted like that for the other kids.” How sweet! The interactions between Gru and the girls are happy, pleasant and sincere. I wasn’t a big fan of Gru’s new super spy partner Lucy (Wiig). I found her goofy and unnecessary. There was a romantic subplot between Lucy and Gru and between the eldest daughter and some ‘dreamy guy’ but it isn’t anything to write home about.

The jokes in Despicable Me 2, overall, were lame standard fare in terms of children’s movies: pelvic thrusts, fart jokes, getting hit in the groin, fat people jokes, etc. Now, why, for all that is good in the world, must we have silly dancing sequences? This movie has three! I’m just going to let this subject go because, I believe, I have addressed it in previous reviews, but it suffices to say that I find such scenes uncomfortable not amusing.

The majority of this movie is goofy and unnecessary so feel free to pass on Despicable Me 2. It doesn’t do the original justice. If I had kids, I wouldn’t take them to see this movie; it just goes to the lowest common denominator for a cheap, immature laugh. I’m giving it a half a point for its efforts at trying to be a pleasant movie and one point for the animation and the few funny jokes.

Pacific Rim

Directed by Guillermo del Toro. Written by Travis Beacham and Guillermo del Toro. Starring Charlie Hunnam (Raleigh Becket), Idris Elba (Stacker Pentecost), Rinko Kikuchi (Mako Mori).

Bottom line: 1 star for pretty graphics and 1 star for achieving what it set out to do (that is, to be a bad movie with pretty graphics).

2/4

Normally, I spend a paragraph or so outlining the plot of a movie but in the case of Pacific Rim, a sentence will suffice: the world (with America at the helm) makes giant robots to fend off aliens from another dimension.

I have said this before but I’ll say it again: I will not be stirred by pretty graphics. For me to be a fan of a movie, it had better use some of its $200 million dollar budget on something other than CGI. Pacific Rim did not. I will admit that the graphics are really pretty and the camera work is such that you can parse what is going on. But, if I may speak frankly, it frustrates me that this movie is meeting with so much success. What am I missing?

I hear from fan-boys, that Pacific Rim harkens back to Godzilla movies. I get it that this is supposed to be a silly movie about giant robots, aliens, and pretty graphics but let’s not lose perspective, people. This is a bad movie. The dialog and plot are nonexistent. The patriotism in the movie hits you over the head. If I were going to turn this into a drinking game, I’d take a shot for every shot that makes you say ‘Yeah, go ’Amurica!” Warning, you might die from alcohol poisoning.

The movie gets so preposterous at times that it is funny. For example, I imagine the planning meeting when building one of the giant robots going like this:

“Guys, alright, we have a nuclear reactor powering this robot and a switch to turn it into a nuclear bomb. (Reactors and bombs are essentially the same, right?) We have a plasma gun arm. We have a jet engine in the elbow to make a ‘rocket punch’. What else to we need?”

“A giant sword.”

“Yes! You never know when the robot might need that!”

On some level, this movie depresses me. It is a mindless kaleidoscope of CGI but for what ends? Is this just a distraction from our miserable lives? What are we missing that Pacific Rim provides? Perhaps it is that we feel the need for escape. Maybe the social, political, and economic realities we face are too depressing, so we need a generic, positive, flashy escape.

I wonder if we can read Pacific Rim from an environmental position. Let’s say the aliens represent pollution and fossil fuels. The kaiju (aliens) resemble dinosaurs and they come from beneath the ocean floor (like oil) and threaten Mankind. Their blue, oily blood is a corrosive waste let in their path. We need the assistance of nuclear energy to defeat the monsters. Granted, the hero denotes the nuclear reactor to destroy the aliens. That’s not how reactors work; you can’t just flip a switch and make another Hiroshima. So this type of solution might make you think nuclear energy is a fearful thing but it does rescue the world. It is indeed the reactor, not the bomb, which saves humanity.

I do appreciate a silly action movie that isn’t trying to be anything but a silly action movie. But just because a movie is good at being mediocre isn’t reason to give it anything higher than a mediocre score. If Pacific Rim was a food it would be really bad junk food. Substitute whatever floats your boat: a double Baconator from Wendy’s or a XXL Grilled Stuff Burrito from Taco Bell or a vat of nacho cheese or whatever. If you are going to go see this, don’t. Don’t go see this please, maybe if enough people abstain better movies will come out next year. Though, we may be a bit late. To extend the food analogy, you know how when you are eating tasty junk food you say “Oh man, this is so bad but so good!” Pacific Rim is kinda like that...but without the good.

Red 2

Directed by Dean Parisot. Written by Jon Hoeber, Erich Hoeber, Warren Ellis, Cully Hammer. Starring Bruce Willis (Frank), John Malkovich (Marvin), Mary-Louise Parker (Sarah), Catherine Zeta-Jones (Katja), Byung Hun Lee (Han Cho Bai), Anthony Hopkins (Bailey) and Helen Mirren (Victoria).

Bottom line: I didn’t expect much from Red 2 and I wasn’t disappointed; it is funny at times and is, overall, a pleasant enough movie.

2.5/4

I didn’t see Red because I was never the biggest fan of movies where the kick is that older people are doing things typically associated with younger people. I will say that I would rather see old people in a film than children. Both groups make snarky comments but I feel like once you reach a certain age, it is fine. I was pleasantly surprised by Red 2. It’s funny here and there and it isn’t really trying to be anything more than a comic book movie. It isn’t too stylized but it isn’t too realistic. “Stylized,” mind you, isn’t inherently bad but is when executed poorly. I suppose anything could be bad but it’s the difference between Kill Bill and Baytown Outlaws.

Red 2 is about a bunch of retired CIA (MI6, KGB, etc.) agents going back into action to track down a missing Cold War super-weapon before it falls into villainous hands. I liked each of the characters. I was a little wary of Mary-Louise Parker. She teetered on annoying but she was sympathetic enough to not make me hate her.

The humor in Red 2 is a lot like the following joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[3]

There is something matter-of-fact about the violence which intertwines with the humor. “It’s been months since you’ve killed anyone, Frank,” says Marvin (Malkovich). “That’s a good thing, Marvin,” Frank responds.

One thing I thought was kinda funny was the word choice. If you recall Live Free or Die Hard using ‘technical buzzwords’ like “download”, Red 2 uses the word “Internet”: “Ever since that document was put on the Internet....” and “There’s no way to take down the list after it was posted on Wikileaks on the Internet.”

A driving subplot is the relationship between Willis and Louis-Parker. He is a former operative and she is a former phone operator for the Social Security Administration office. Much like the rest of the movie, it isn’t tense or drawn out. It provides opportunity for quick little jokes such as the scene where John Malkovich (another retired CIA hitman) and Byung Hun Lee (the world’s best hitman) give relationship advice to Bruce Willis. I can imagine how having three hitmen talk about feelings might not seem worth a sequel, but it is. Instead of adding stupid jokes Red 2 let’s silly little situations speak for themselves. This is to say that Red 2 generally shows restraint, which I appreciate.

Overall, I’d recommend Red 2 for a Sunday matinee kind of thing. It could make for a cute date movie. It isn’t the best movie ever in any respect but it was good enough for me to want to see the original some time.

A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon)

Written and directed by Kim Jee-Woon. Starring Kap-su Kim (Bae Moo-hyeon), Jung-ah Yum (Eun-joo), Su-jeong Lim (Bae Soo-mi), Geun-Young Moon (Bae Soo-yeon).

Bottom line: A Tale of Two Sisters is wonderfully chilling and offers more than a creepy premise which makes it a powerful cinematic experience.

3.5/4

The movie opens to a sterile mental hospital examination room. A girl sits in a chair opposite a doctor. He asks several questions which she ignores. He shows her a picture of her family. He asks, “What happened that day?” She raises her head and looks out the window. The camera fades to a shot looking out the back passenger window of a car as it drives through the forest, over a bridge and along a lake. Peacefully sad guitar/violin music plays as the car approaches an imposing house.

The opening shots juxtapose the ominous house with peaceful music. The intersection of scary images and not scary music isn’t new, Insidious, for example, plays Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Though the Tulips” but I don’t think this is what A Tale of Two Sisters is attempting. In some movies, we know that what we are watching a retelling of an event. The movie then becomes a something like a campfire ghost story. A Tale of Two Sisters presents the events after the fact but as a ‘story’ instead of a ‘ghost story’.

I have said time and time again that I hate horror movies. Even if they are of poor quality, I can never sleep after watching them. At the same time, I loved A Tale of Two Sisters. I loved it so much it makes me rethink my relationship with horror. I was genuinely scared during portions of the movie and yet, I slept soundly that night. As I write this, I smile because it was such a fun experience. I will go into more detail below but I hesitate to tell you much more because I did have fun trying to anticipate the story. Let us discuss a scene, the stepmother’s introduction, in the hopes of describing why A Tale of Two Sisters is so brilliant.

The two sisters, holding hands, timidly enter the large, silent, dimly lit house. Cutting the silence, we hear the stepmother saying, “Welcome home!” The camera cuts to a long shot of a long, dark hallway. The stepmother approaches the still camera. She speaks quickly and walks so smoothly it looks like she is floating instead of walking. The suddenness of her presence makes you want to recoil but the still camera prevents the reaction. Standing firm, the sensation of helplessness prolongs until we cut to her point of view. The two girls watch her (looking into the camera) and tense up. The collision of her swiftness and the previous still camera prolongs the sense of lack of control because even though we are moving we are not in control. Sure, we are never in control of the camera but we don’t usually realize it.

 

I’d like to discuss this movie a little bit more but in doing so will give away the plot so beware of spoilers. The movie begins with the framing device of Soo-Mi’s recollection. She is in a mental hospital so she becomes an unreliable narrator. We do learn the actual series of events at the end of the movie though. The father arrives at the home with his coworker, Eun-joo (with whom he was having an affair and who will soon be called stepmother). Soo-yeon takes a nap but wakes when she hears a noise in her wardrobe. She investigates and discovers the suicidal mother’s hanging dead body. She panics and causes the wardrobe to fall on her. Eun-joo hears a noise from downstairs. She sees the wardrobe, hears the scratching nails of suffocating Soo-yeon. Eun-joo runs out of the room catches her breath and composes herself. Before she can return, she is delayed by Soo-mi who spits with disdain and contempt. The delay is enough to prevent the rescue of Soo-yeon. It becomes clear that Soo-mi is guilt ridden to the point of insanity. To cope, she constructs a fabricated reality. As the film alternates between memory and reality, all through the lens of Soo-mi’s memory, it positions the audience in a sympathetic position. The geometric structure of the cinematography is a powerful way to further the sensation that this is a construct of Soo-mi’s mind; she outlines the details of the scene in a methodical pattern. Similarly, during an encounter with the ghostlike images, the audio’s fuzziness mimics Soo-mi’s mental fog.

The ghastly visions exist because Soo-mi can neither address nor repress reality. This traumatic experience mixes with other stressful circumstances in Soo-mi’s life: confusion with her parents’ broken marriage, fear of Eun-joo trying to replace her biological mother and reaching physical maturation.

During the dinner sequence, Eun-joo recalls a story of a “crazy man” who would take off his clothes whenever it rained, “The funny thing is that he was usually normal, but whenever it rained, he went nuts.” The man is as normal as Soo-mi and, as a result, as the audience. If we tried to suppress a similar trauma, we too would suffer the Soo-mi’s plight.

A Tale of Two Sisters is on top of its game. The music, cinematography and acting harmonize to make a complete experience that I highly recommend. The quality of the movie, rather than cheap scares, leaves a lasting impression. I’ve heard people liken horror movies to a roller coaster ride. The emphasis of the analogy is that horror movies thrive on cheap thrills and that the audience doesn’t anticipate what is happening next. I disagree with the analogy but let’s expand it a little. A roller coaster takes you for a ride but it brings you back to where you started. A typical horror movie, for me, is like driving off-road through the woods. It is bumpy and maybe exciting but when all is said and done, the driver (the movie) leaves you in the scary woods alone. I leave the theater with nightmares and paranoia. A Tale of Two Sisters is actually like a roller coaster ride because it takes you into a frightening situation but brings you back; the movie positions itself and the audience together in a discussion that is more complex than ‘a murdered child-ghost wants revenge.’ I’ve seen it twice so far and look forward to seeing it again.

This is the End

Directed by Evan Goldberg and Seth Rogan. Written by Even Goldberg, Seth Rogan, Jason Stone (based on the story by). Starring Seth Rogan, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson.

Bottom line: This is the End is why I rarely watch comedies; what began as a solidly funny movie, slowly but surely (in almost a linear fashion) became one of the most irritating things I’ve ever seen.

1.5/4

With regard to comedies, I am turning into a damaged lover. Every time I warm up to one and let my guard down, I end up disappointed, frustrated, and confused. Maybe, somehow, I am picking all the bad comedies and missing the good ones.

This is the End has some great qualities and it had the potential to be really, really funny. The star-studded cast members all play charactertures of themselves: Jonah Hill is disconcertingly nice, Michael Cera is doing coke, James Franco is obsessed with his movies and friendship with Seth Rogan, etc. They are able to make fun of themselves with each other and I liked that. I also liked the structure of the jokes. The delivery is almost mechanical and the punch lines are predictable, which isn’t the normal recipe for a joke. Normally, I would think a natural smooth delivery would be better, but somehow it works. It’s almost as if we are watching a comedy duo perform a standup routine. The camera is fixed as the characters banter back and forth. Take, for example, one of the first scenes in the movie.

Seth Rogan is at the airport picking up his friend, Jay Baruchel, for a weekend of video games, drinking and weed. Once in the car, Jay says, “Next stop Carl’s Jr!”

Rogan replies with, “Um, well, I can’t really do that. You see, I’m on this new gluten free diet thing.”

“You’re kidding! I bet you don’t even know what gluten is.”

“Sure, I do.”

“Well, then do tell.”

“Gluten is…really anything bad for you so fat and sugar and all that.”

“So you’re not drinking or smoking or anything?”

“What are you kidding? Of course I am drinking and smoking, I am just having no gluten.”

The scene ends as the camera cuts to the two sitting outside Carl’s Jr as Rogan takes a bite of burger saying something like, “This is the best gluten free burger ever.”

The banter is simply two friends alternating between setups and punch lines and the simplicity makes it work. If only they stopped while they were ahead. I would’ve really loved this movie if the jokes were consistently this funny. In the initial stages of the movie, the cast doesn’t feel the need to beat a joke to death. This is the End was almost cruel in that once things start to go downhill, there are still funny jokes sprinkled throughout serving as a reminder of what the movie could’ve been.

In terms of story, the two friends go to James Franco’s new house for a big party. Before too long an Earthquake ends the party and a sinkhole opens outside the house. There is chaos and confusion while the group tries to figure out what is going on. It is the Biblical end of times, they eventually conclude.

It seems like once the Armageddon plot begins, the movie really starts to go downhill. The jokes are excessively long and are mostly about masturbation and penises. I am all for profanity but the characters use the f word as a comma making the dialog more tiring than edgy. The movie devolves from a comedy about movie stars to just another frat-boy joke fest.

As this is the Apocalypse, the “good people” go to Heaven before fire and brimstone start falling. The characters may not have ascended but still live, so they have a chance to make amends. By the end of the hour and a half ordeal, This is the End still has the opportunity to makes amends but, not surprisingly, it fails. Two of the characters are flying into the blinding white sky past the clouds. We could’ve just faded to black and to the credits. Nope. Alright, now the two characters are dressed in white, skipping in the clouds with a rainbow in the background. It could’ve freeze-framed as they could jumping and laughing. Nope. The camera cuts over to show the golden gates of Heaven. The gates open to another blinding white light. Again, the movie could’ve faded to the credits. Instead, we meet with another character who presents two halos to his friends. He says “Welcome to Heaven…” and looks over his shoulder. The camera moves into the clouds. This is the last chance for the movie to end reasonably. We could’ve faded to the credits and left Heaven up to the audiences’ imagination. Nope. The movie just had to take a shot at the realization of eternal paradise: there are rollercoasters in the background, unlimited drinks, weed and women dancing in bikinis. “You can have anything you want. Just make a wish,” the one person explains.

I wish they went over the top with Heaven and ended the movie sooner. For example, the camera could’ve flown through the clouds to a reveal a couple dozen beautiful women. One of the guys could’ve said, “Wow, they were right after all.” It would’ve been stupid and offensive but so offensive that it would be funny. This is just a generic, dumb male fantasy about what would be awesome to have for eternity. But wait, there’s more! This is the End has almost a supernatural instinct about how to get worse.

If you’ve read any of my other reviews, you might recall that I generally dislike children in movies but I haven’t mentioned how much I hate comedic dancing sequences. Am I supposed to laugh at the characters because they can’t dance? If they are trying, we ought not hold it against them. I don’t always dance but when I do I try and, let me tell you, it feels awful to be mocked for trying. I don’t feel involved because I would much rather be dancing than watching people dance. These types of sequences are always too silly: pelvic thrusts do not a funny movie make.

If you feel compelled to watch this movie, rent it and put it on during a party. I’d say that the party’s attention can be held just long enough for the goodness of the movie to run out. Other activities will distract everyone enough to leave this movie to fade into the background.