Blondie (1938)

Directed by Frank R. Strayer. Written by  Richard Flournoy (screenplay) and Chic Young (based upon the comic strip created by). Starring Penny Singleton (Blondie), Arthur Lake (Dagwood Bumstead), Larry Simms (Baby Dumbling)

Bottom line: Do you remember Kenneth from 30 Rock? Well, if you ever wondered what a full-length movie starring him would be like, check out Blondie. 1/4

I had heard of the Blondie comic strip but I never read it. I was never much of a newspaper comic strip type of guy so I was mildly surprised to see that there was a movie (or a series of movies). 

Do you recall The Land Before Time? The first one, whew, it's a classic. That scene with the mom, ugh, it's still heart-breaking. Now, the second thing I think of when I think of The Land Before Time is the array of sequels. According to Wikipedia, there are a massive thirteen sequels! If you are interested in more of that, YouTuber Jenny Nicholson made an amusing video about them. Meanwhile, Blondie comes over and says, "Hold my beer." The Blonde series has, according to Wikipedia, "28 low-budget theatrical B-features." Yes, 28. Granted, if those movies were made today, lots of them might very well be direct-to-video releases but still.

So we spend most of the time in the film following Blondie's husband, Dagwood (Lake). I'm not sure if that's the case in the comics too. In this adventure, Blondie is trying to get Dagwood to ask for a raise so they can afford new furniture. He doesn't want to ask but he also wants to get her furniture. What a pickle!

Physical comedy, mix-ups, and what not ensues. There was really only one joke that made me laugh. So it got half a point for that and then half a point because it was so fascinatingly annoying. To think, they made twenty-eight of these!

It gave me an idea for a charity event, actually. I could stream me watching all of (or at least as many as I can) straight! More to come on this to see if it's feasible.

Pass on this unless you want to see some clips on YouTube to see if Dag reminds you of Kenneth too.

Now, reader, what do you think of that idea for a charity event? Would you watch it? Leave a comment below! Thanks for reading!

Jasper Mall (2020)

Directed by Bradford Thomason and Brett Whitcomb.

Bottom line: There are hoards of YouTube channels that look at dilapidated malls (specifically) but they tend not to have the quiet, thought-out story arcs found in Jasper Mall; for a chill movie to watch, I recommend this one. 3.5/4

Malls are closing. Why go out to these massive spaces to buy something (at probably a higher cost) than just getting it online? I certainly remember going to malls; there were two malls that I went to in Pittsburgh, PA. Actually, three. There were three malls that I went to. There was (is, at the time of writing) The Galleria. It's the "fancy mall" or "rich mall" but, for a little me, a very boring mall. There was no arcade, no videogame store. They had one of those rich kid toy stores, you know, the ones with the science toys and the super high detail plastic figurines? Next, we have South Hills Village. I think this one is solidly middle class. It's got the staples; Hallmark, Disney Store, Gamespot.

Though, a quick aside, I think it might be starting to go a little downhill. How do I know? They got rid of the Taco Bell and replaced it with a generic taco place. How could you do that to me, South Hills Village? 

Lastly, we had* Century III Mall. This one has quite the YouTube footprint. It was massive and popular but, alas, is now closed. 

Anyway! This is all to say, malls were a thing. They were fun to hang out around at least for my generation so maybe there's some nostalgia going on here. Similarly, seeing old falling apart structures can be kinda fun too; that's why there are so many YouTube videos like this.

This brings us to Jasper Mall, this is a documentary that explores the mall of the same name in Jasper Alabama over the course of a year. We have a cast of characters with whom we follow too. We have a high school couple. We have a retired man who plays dominos with his friends. We have a florist who has been at the mall for twenty-five years. Finally, we have the manager/caretaker/head security/head of marketing/head janitor/tiger king (he looks like Tiger King and he used to own a private zoo). All of the people are nice and enjoyable to watch. Their back-stories aren't the deepest nor is there much character development but, for real, that's not why we're here.

One of the great things about this documentary is that it's quiet. Sometimes, when you have one that is making an argument like Blackfish, you have more of an in-your-face structure. The interviews are juxtaposed to highlight discrepancies. Jasper Mall, however, lets the images speak for themselves. At one point, the manager is talking about his hopes to galvanize the mall. The camera lingers. You have the time to soak in his facial expression: fear, worry, and yet hope. Simple but effective.

If my memory serves me, I gave Blackfish a 4/4 because it really got me pumped up. Jasper Mall was a very pleasant, thoughtful meander through the mall but it didn't get me pumped up so I'm not going to give it a perfect score. It was something that you could very easily have on in the background (though you'd miss some of the really good shots). I'd also have appreciated a bit of a post-script; I wanted to learn what happened to the manager guy...

Although, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe that's kinda the idea. He might still be at the mall working as he has been to save it. The mall is still there, a shadow of its former self, but it remains. Nothing really changes at the mall, it just slowly fades. So maybe we can imagine the manager in a similar state. Oh, I like it. Alright, I'll bump up the score a little more.

So, in summary, with the quiet and well-thought-out cinematography alongside an interesting subject matter, I would recommend Jasper Mall.

What do you think, Reader? When was the last time you went to a mall? Thanks for reading!

Let's Make It Legal (1951)

Directed by Richard Sale. Written by F. Hugh Herbert (screenplay), I.A.L. Diamond (screenplay), Mortimer Braus (based on a story by)

Starring  Claudette Colbert (Miriam Halsworth), Macdonald Carey (Hugh Halsworth), Zachary Scott (Victor Macfarland).

Bottom line: Let's Make It Legal is a perfectly good movie to watch if it is 2:30, and you're trying to feed an infant, and it's on TV.

1.5/4

It was about 2/2:30 in the morning, and my infant son started to stir. He was hungry. It seems he eats well when people are talking or there is background noise so I flipped on the TV to find 1951's Let's Make It Legal.

I'll be honest with you, I didn't watch the entirety cause I was busy getting bottles and formula ready but, I don't think I really missed anything. Let that give you an indication of what type of movie it is. 

But, that said, let me piece together what I can parse. Mariam and her husband Hugh are getting a divorce. At the same time, an old flame of Miriam comes to town - a financer named Victor. Cue farcical comedy!

Something that surprised me about this movie is the subject matter, given it's a movie from the '50's. Heck, I didn't realize that divorce was like a thing then let alone showing it in movies. Everything else in the movie is pretty standard: the acting is good, the pacing is good, the cinematography is nothing special. 

It's an amusing, light little romp. If you are doing something and can't pay 100% attention to Let's Make It Legal, that's a-ok. I, for example, went into the kitchen to get a fresh bottle during a seemingly benign argument between Miriam and Hugh and, when I came back, the movie was over!

Did it spoil the movie? No. When I looked up the ending on Wikipedia, did it surprise me? No. I'm sure you can guess what happened.

So, in summary, I would recommend Let's Make It Legal if it's on. I don't think I would actively seek it out but, if you're flipping through the stations and you are dithering between a rerun of Star Trek and Let's Make It Legal, I'd go with the latter.

Oh, one more thing, Marylin Monroe plays a minor role in this movie. I guess I'm used to seeing her in major roles. When I saw her, I thought, huh, they totally cast that woman cause she looks like Marylin Monroe. She plays a woman who wants to marry Victor because he is rich, so, you know, a standard role.   

Thanks for reading! Do you know of any other movies that you'd recommend to have on in the background? Not because you've seen them a million times but because they are just that light? Let me know in the comments.

Alright, now, mind yourself of spoilers - I've just got one point.

I couldn't help but laugh when reading the Wikipedia summary. So we've got this whole movie with Miriam falling for Victor and hating Hugh. It turns out that twenty years prior, the last time she saw Victor, the two men played a game of craps, Hugh won. Charming, right? Naturally, Miriam is furious, especially cause it was Hugh's idea (the gambling addict, mind you) to play. According to Wikipedia:

Back home Miriam explains to Hugh that she was so angry because Victor told her that twenty years ago Hugh won her hand in a game of craps. Hugh admits this, and still has those two dice with him. He asks her to throw. It turns out the dice were loaded; they always throw three and four. Hugh admits he cheated because the stake was so high. Miriam is pleased with this explanation and they reconcile.

I couldn't but laugh; "This pleases me! Let us get married again." Oh, how simple things can be!

I suppose there is something to be said that a movie that I sleepily, half-watched got me to read about it and now write about it. Well done, Let's Make It Legal.