Bottom line: This one WWE
Smackdown filled my professional wrestling quota for the lifetime.
1.5/4
I know WWE Smackdown isn’t
a movie but I wanted to write about it because, after watching it the other
day, I was left perplexed. It’s a moral can of worms that I hesitate to open.
WWE stands for World Wrestling E-something, it’s not to
be confused with what I think is its main competitor, WWF (World Wrestling Federation). This type of “wrestling” is the
type that includes Hulk Hogan, Andrei the Giant, John Cena, and Dwayne Johnson
(when he was known as The Rock).
WWE Smackdown came
to Lincoln, Nebraska. I remember WWE and
WWF were huge when I was in
elementary school and the tickets were cheap so we decided to check it out. The
show started at 7:00pm and lasted until about 10:00pm. I expected there to be
like two matches but there was closer to half a dozen. It makes sense. Despite
this being mostly all show, it’s still physically taxing. There are lots
of acrobatic movies.
Each match had a good guy and a bad guy with each having
their own intro sequence, backstory, and chant. When everyone was chanting
something it was kinda fun. Silly, certainly, but fun. Unfortunately, there
wasn’t enough to keep the crowd going at all times.
There was no music during the matches, there were no
announcers or commentators (they pipe that into the TV broadcasts apparently),
and the wrestlers weren’t mic’d so when they spoke to each other we couldn’t hear
what they were saying. It would’ve been a lot more fun if there were something
consistently hyping up the crowd.
The cast of characters included several obligatory
stereotypes. The fire-red haired Sheamus was from Dublin, Ireland. The Lucha
Dragons spoke Spanish. Rusev was Bulgarian so he filled the role of Eastern
European.
As this event was broadcasted live on the WWE Network during the interim of each
match there was a five-minute or so commercial break during which we were shown
commercials for upcoming WWE events.
Let me tell you, after the tenth time that the WWE Summer Slam is coming, I got a little tired of hearing it.
The moral can of worms to which I alluded to early requires
some backstory. This is based on what I picked up or what we were shown. KO
(Kevin Owens) is the name of one wrestler. The previous week, he was in a 3vs3
match. Facing defeat, he walked away from the match. He came onstage this
particular evening to justify his actions. “I have a family to care about,” he
explained, “I am not going to risk sustaining a career ending injury just for
the sake of a stupid fight.” As an outside observer, it seemed reasonable to
me.
Fast forward to the main event of the evening, the current
world heavyweight champion was going to face a more inexperienced Swiss
wrestler name Cesaro. During the pre-match interview, Cesaro says that ever
since he was a child he dreamed of coming to America to become a professional
wrestler, “I haven’t spent Christmas with my family in 11 years but it’s worth
it because I’m following my dream. I’m going to prove that the American Dream
still exists!” Suddenly, KO comes out, takes the microphone and says, “Boo hoo!
Why should we feel bad for you? You abandoned your family to pursue your own
selfish goals.” To avoid an ethics debate, Cesaro retorted with, “Oh yeah? Like
you abandoned your last two matches?!” The two parted ways and the match began.
Again, I thought KO’s statement was perfectly valid but as I
came to understand doing anything that could be construed as cowardly is of the
worst offences in the WWE world.
There was a “Diva Match” which was a tag team match between
two pairs of scantily clad women. It wasn’t quite what I expected and I don’t
really know how to take it. They gave the same pre-match hype speeches as the
male wrestlers, they did the same moves, and they wore similarly bedazzled
outfits. It didn’t seem like they were being actively sexualized like I
anticipated. Their hair and physical structure was similar to the guys in that
everyone is an action figure. Granted, there were some male wrestlers were
looked pretty pudgy but, there were still lots that I couldn’t imagine walking
around in real life. There were tons of women and girls cheering for the divas
too. This brings me to my next point, the demographic.
There were a ton of kids! I didn’t think this was such a
family based event. Though, in retrospect, it explains why there was no real
profanity. I think the worst thing that was said was by a villain who bellowed,
“Your ass…is…mine!” It also explains the style of insult chants for the
villains. For “New Day” instead of saying the slogan “New Day rocks!” everyone
chanted, “New Day sucks!” For Sheamus, the chant was “You look stu-pid,” in
reference to his red Mohawk.
During the Rusev vs. somebody else match, it was
particularly odd because if Rusev was losing, people would chant some chant I
couldn’t understand but if he was winning people would chant for his competitor
by saying “U S A!” I didn’t know who was the good and who was the bad guy!
It’s a spectacle passing as a sport if there ever was such a
thing. First, would I recommend this? Eh. Not really. Would I ever take
children to see this? I don’t know. There was a basic theme of good vs. bad but
I don’t know if I agree with the definitions of good and bad (assuming I
understand them). At the same time, the violence is mild compared to
videogames; there is no blood and each “hit” results in a pause for the
wrestler to respond with a demonstration of pain (thereby given each other a
chance to catch their breath). I think I’d error on the side of caution and
pass.
I can maybe see some of the appeal. It can be exciting
(there were fireworks in some of the intros). Each of the characters has a
backstory to be explored and a chant to be learned. There is a sense of
community when cheering for a hero or booing a villain. It’s just not my cup of
tea.
Instead of thinking about it more, I’ll probably just pack
it in a box and store it somewhere indefinitely, like they do with the Ark of
the Covenant at the end of Indian Jones:
Raiders of the Lost Ark.
What do you think? Please leave a comment below with your
thoughts! Thanks for reading!
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