Children of the Corn

Directed by Fritz Kiersch. Written by Stephen King (short story) and George Goldsmith (screenplay). Starring Peter Horton (Burt), Linda Hamilton (Vicky), John Fanklin (Isaac), Courtney Gains (Malachai), Robby Kiger (Job).

Bottom line: Wasn't the worst movie of all time but, for a scary movie, it wasn't scary. The graphics didn't age well and the story felt underdeveloped.

1.5/4

This fall, my fiancée is beginning her PhD studies in Nebraska. I don't know about you, but I didn't know anything about Nebraska other than it was really flat. As we have spent some time in Pittsburgh (Dark Knight Rises), Rochester (some of The Amazing Spiderman 2) and Chicago (countless movies), the next question is what movies were filmed in or set in Nebraska?

After a quick Google search, what do I find? Children of the Corn (1984), Children of the Corn (2009), Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice, Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering, Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror, Children of the Corn: Revelation and, don't forget, Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return. Children of the Corn it is!

  

This is based off a Steven King short story of the same name. In the fictional town of Gatlin, Nebraska, a demon known as "He Who Walks Behind The Rows" has taken control of the town. Using the preacher's son, Isaac (Franklin), as a mouthpiece, the demon has commanded the ritual sacrifice of anyone over the age of eighteen. In one mass killing, the adults are purged from the town leaving Isaac and his strong first in command Malachai (Gains) in charge. We are introduced to a couple: Vicky (Hamilton) and her boyfriend Burt (Horton). Burt has recently finished medical school and the two are driving through the Midwest to the hospital where he is stationed. She wants to get married and he is hesitant. (A point of contention the movie never addresses). In classic, predictable horror movie fashion, the two find themselves in Gatlin. Three years have passed since the children took over the town. They have to fight the children and the demon for survival.

This is a horror movie, mind you, and, if you have read any of my previous reviews, you will know that I hate horror movies. One horror-movie-defense tactic I have been practicing is to formulate why the movie would not or could not affect me. Have I built or bought a house that was built over a Native American burial ground? Nope. Have I murdered anyone or stolen any cursed icons? Negative. In the case of Children of the Corn, if I just shave and get a haircut, I could probably pass for an eighteen year old (I would just tell them that I forgot my ID). Boom. There. Done. Now I can watch the movie.

Another thing that you may recall if you read my previous reviews, is that I dislike children in movies. I do not find them cute, funny or endearing. If anything, I find them annoying. Children of the Corn wasn't able to present the children in a constructive way; they are awkward and it lessens the movie’s overall impact. I suppose the idea that the children are forming a cult-like group is creepy in and of itself but it isn't quite enough to do it for me.

The 1980's graphics used to show the demon didn't age well. Now, don't get me wrong. I get it. This is the early 80's, but the monster looks like a Tron computer virus! The Exorcist came out a decade earlier and still looks better.

I read a little about this movie and there were two versions of the script. The producers decided to go with the one that had more violence and a more conventional plot. It shows. The story is predictable and it doesn't create a thrilling sense of urgency. I didn't particularly like the characters either. Burt is a jerk but he lives and saves everyone. I would have liked it more, or at least it would have had more of an emotional impact if he and/or his girlfriend died. They die in the short story, from what I understand. Overall, I would pass on this movie. I saw it in the early afternoon but I don't foresee any difficulties sleeping tonight. It wasn't particularly fun to watch either.