Jack the Giant Slayer

Directed by Bryan Singer. Written by Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney, Darren Lemke and David Dobkin. Starring Nicholas Hoult (Jack), Ewan McGregor (Elmont), Stanley Tucci (Roderick).

Bottomline: Before I watched Jack the Giant Slayer, I wondered why it was doing so poorly at the box office. Now I know why...

.5/4

You know when you sit through the credits of a movie waiting to see the post-credits scene? They are usually at the end of Marvel movies. When waiting for the scene, I always find it mind boggling how many people participate in a film production. In the case of Jack the Giant Slayer, I wonder why, out of the army of people working, didn't someone say, 'Alright, guys, this isn't really going to work'.
Jack and the Beanstalk is a common fairy tale so to make things a little edgier they called it Jack the Giant Slayer. Somehow some magic beans were made and a beanstalk grew to the land of the giants. They came down and started a brutal war with mankind. Erik the Great had a crown forged from the stone heart of a giant. He used this to control the giant army and commanded them to go back to whence they came. They had to obey, you see, because their hearts are linked to the crown. They are compelled to obey. This premise made me feel a little unsure. The giants are attacking us so it is ok to, by all accounts, enslave them. Sure Erik, being Great and all, simply sends the giants away but it still feels iffy. When Jack’s magic beans start to grow, we have the villain try and enslave the giants with the crown. It is a simple enough plot but the movie manages to ruin everything. I will say that my first impression when watching the movie is that it felt pretty racist.

The humans are English. The Giants are barbarians with thick Scottish accents. I found this to be somewhat problematic and I’m not Scottish.

Aside from the accents, the characterization of the giants as barbarians is a bad, dated choice. I think the villain in Disney's Pocahontas called the Native Americans 'savage barbarians'.

They also include the crown jewels at one point, a symbol of English imperialism. Did you know that one of the crowns in the crown jewels is called the Imperial Crown of India?

The movie makes some bizarre anachronistic choices which threw me off any sense of immersion. When climbing the beanstalk, McGregor's character sprouts a thick British accent saying, "Well, let's keep going chaps." ‘Chaps’, according to etymonline.com, was first used as slang in 1716. Even better, one of the English generals wears a monocle which wasn't invented until the 18th century. That's practically the middle ages, am-I-right?

Alright, fine, I get it. This was a movie that was supposed to "entertain". It wasn't meant to be a thought provoking, social commentary but it wasn't even fun to watch. Fighting giants and the giants themselves are great opportunities for creativity. How does one present a fight a giant without turning into Gumbi-Keanu Reeves from Matrix Reloaded? It could be like The Borrowers (which was a fun enough movie)? Jack the Giant Slayer doesn’t really provide much more than a tug-of-war match. I wasn’t really excited or inspired by the whole situation.

It seems like the movie was trying to make the situation more exciting by increasing the number of giants. It’s the ‘you thought one would be tough, try an army’ type of thing. But by doing that, it puts too much emphasis on the slavery-crown. The only way to defeat the giant-army isn’t by cleverness or determination but by holding the magical object.

Have you ever worked with a team where your solitary voice was the only one who was making sense? Where everyone else seemed to be on the same wrong page? Despite your best efforts your point is set aside. At some point, you'd probably feel like you want to put your hands up, sit back and wait for the inevitable crash. That's how Jack the Giant Slayer made me feel. Based on how unsuccessful this movie is doing, you probably weren't going to but, just in case you were thinking about it, I recommend that you pass on this movie.