Pitch Black

Directed by David Twohy. Written by Jim Wheat, Ken Wheat and David Twohy. Starring Radha Mitchell (Carolyn Fry), Cole Hauser (Willaim J. Johns), Vin Diesel (Richard B. Riddick), Keith David (Abu ‘Imam’ al-Walid).

Bottom line: I don’t understand how this awful, painful movie started a franchise.

1/4

The movie opens with a tour of a transport spaceship. Almost all of the passengers are in cryogenic-like sleep pods. Yadda yadda yadda the ship crashes on some desert planet. When the however-many-suns-this-planet-has set, swarms of vicious, flying, aliens come out from the subterranean depths to hunt in the...pitch-black night. One of the [many] things that disappointed me about Pitch Black was the design of the alien. Initially, I was excited. I thought we weren’t actually going to get to see the aliens; it is called “pitch black” after all. Unfortunately, we see the little hammerhead things early and often. It’s too bad we see them too because, even though this movie is from 2000, the CGI has not aged well. 

I’m used to seeing “criminal” protagonists who turn out to be misunderstood or noble rebels especially when the protagonist is Vin Diesel. Has he ever been a bad guy? Well, in Pitch Black, he is a super criminal/murderer who is being transported to some prison colony-planet. Over time, as these protagonists do, they bond with their fellow travelers. Diesel has a tendency to do this in his other roles, namely, The Fast and The Furious, where he is the kindhearted hijacker, Dom. In Pitch Black, it seems like he is going to be that type of character; he saves this character who does something stupid and that character who puts himself in danger. At almost the end of the movie, all of a sudden, he drops the act to become a villain...only to turn around to do the right thing. If they were trying to make him an antihero, they weren’t successful nor were they successful at making him the anything more than a generic action figure.

Vin Diesel makes me laugh because he is so serious about his roles. I’ve mentioned that about Tom Cruise in my previous reviews. I appreciate it when an actor is determined to do a ludicrous scene with the utmost dedication. In Pitch Black, for example, Riddick’s hands are handcuffed behind his back around a steel beam. He looks up to see a break in the beam. I can imagine his thought process: “if only I could flip up somehow and slip the cuffs thr- oh, better idea, I’ll just dislocate my shoulders and slip them through the space.”

  

Overall, I really disliked almost everything about this movie. I already talked about Riddick but I wasn’t any fan of any of the other cookie cutter characters. There’s the token love interest, the punk kid (who I’ll discuss in a bit), Riddick’s white male rival, weasel-like male character (who looks oddly like Quentin Tarantino), the expendable (less attractive) female character, and the token minority character and his two kids. I did have some fun picking out which characters would die (and in what order). I’d recommend you try it if you find yourself strapped to a chair and forced to watch this movie.

Other than the poor graphics, the film tried (and failed) to experiment with colors and camera work. One of the suns is blue so everything is, you know, blue and there are a number of spinning shots at odd angles. None of this carried any sort of emotion. If anything, I was a little bored of seeing a group of blue people walk through a blue desert. If a movie is going to have a strange shot, give me a reason why. Is it supposed to represent someone’s state of mind? When I think about Pitch Black, it’s like it was actually two short movies directed by two different people, but they ran out of budget so they glued them together. 

Mind yourself for spoilers at this next bit. The shaved-head punk kid is named Jack. At one point, as the tired crew is making their way through the dark desert, Riddick says, “[we can’t make it now] especially with the girl bleeding.” But the love interest isn’t shot- Oh snap, Jack is a girl! From this point on, whimpering replaces any rebellious response from Jack. The big gender plot twist (if I can call it that) also has one of the most bizarre references to menstruation I’ve ever heard. The group is arguing about whether or not to continue or go back to a safe location. Riddick’s male rival says, “I say we mush on. Why don’t you butch up,” (talking to the love interest), “stick a cork in this kid and let’s go.” On that note...

I think that pretty much sums up my feelings about Pitch Black. I don’t recommend you ever see it this stupid, generic, disappointing, waste of time. Ever.